hullo dear friends.
yes i know i havnt been blogging in a while.
but thats because i didnt have anything to write about.
today i shall rea ttempt.
today, i went to my first musical theatre class. i think performing is great when u know that you're in control because it gives such a great adrenaline rushhhh!!!
but musical theatre is harder, i think. You have to act(think about your character), sing(remember your lines quickly and project your voice) and dance(get your moves right...PUT SOME ENERGY INTO IT!). i found it a challenge, but at the same time enjoyable. im not a dance, but i aim to ace this class. unless i have to drop out because of school. but im not going to think about that. anyway, musical is different to my usual singing class because in my singing class i just have to sing what i feel and focus on my technique, but hear its less concentrated, but you're expected to have that skill and throw your voice outthere. my teacher says that when the concert comes around, we wont be singing live but lip synching. YEAH IM EXCITED ABOUT THAT!
britney spears here i  come! but i think ill keep my knickers on.....

In like, two weeks time, i have to go and audition for the state drama ensemble. im pretty nervous actually.  only one girl from our school got in i think. you have to be really good at impro. actually, im not that good at drama, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.i have nothing to lose...except a bit of dignity. hope i can pull it off. at least get through 2 or three rounds. everyone who turns up will be srs. i wont last that long. thank god taylor innes is trying out too. i hope she gets in.


lately, i have slowly stopped trying to impress people. you can call it selfish in a way, but its also about finding your own rhythm. i hate people telling me i cant do something. the more you say it, the harder i will hit back. generally. unless i dont care about the thing you think i am incapable of, i dont really care about all that much...


i hate needy people. Why do u depend on people. Stand up! i dont think that anyone can pick u up except yourself. never think other people can save you from what youve been through because you have the key to your lock. i used to be like that. but then, i think it was the day i got the determination talk from my dad, was then that i realised, that if you want something, you gotta get it yourself. nobody helps you. they can try, but they can never do it.  SO WORK HARD EVERYONE.

i guess its sad that i still dont have a long term goal. i love long term goals, they just put everything into perspective for me. dont say do well in the hsc, its too near. but maybe, thatd be a fab starting point.

for art, im doing a BOW(body of work) and an assignemnt. fuck the assignment, cant wait to start on my BOW. its gotta be ahuman figure ina built environment, no inspiration as of yet, but my sharpie marker and coloured pencils will make some love in my VAPD. we'll see what my fingers dish up. cant wait to take some risks. conservative is boring. unless you have a reason for it. anyway, im thinking of using a lot of mediums. i remember last year, i did a work and i thought it wasnt,, original and my teacher said i was being too ambitious. well actually i wasnt. i didnt get what the hell she was saying at that moment, but i did feel really upset. cos i was feeling a bit...at a losss on what to do with my work. but i get what she means now. she means to set the bar too high for yourself, wantint g to do something without the actual skill. well i didnt think it looked that bad. next time i think so, ill tell her. gotta stick by it. ts MY work. so anyway, i have to consider what medium i want to do. i love abstract for all its freedom in the world,  however, i specialise in portrait drawing. ew. ugh
totes DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

need to do monologue too.experiment experiment experiment. yay. are we allowed to do that in life? i love to experiment. but people always say 'life isnt a dress rehearsal'. hmm.

i was thinking, if at the end of your life, you die and you forget everything you've ever done and you disintergrat into fertilizer for Jane Smith's sunflowers, then what would be the point of living life! theres that question that everyone asks. would you rather have the time of your life in  one year and at the end of that year you forget it all OR have a boring life. well. instead of a year, its a whole life time. and technically that equates to be the same. what is the point then? acquiring a job, living in comfort, apart from those things being immediate needs.hm. cos if iw ere like that, then i may as well be a ferret. at least id be cute.


enoguh of this philosophical deep dipshit.
go and live life.whatever life may be to you.


xxx