Why do I focus so much on my career? Everyone says the good moments are those that are not realted to your career or whatever. WEll those in my age group anyway. Hmm. I want to have the good moments, that everyone my age says are good. Not becuase i want to conform or anything, but because I want to live and see what living my age is like. Unfortunately, i feel like a have created a slight ridge between myself and those my age. I have never kissed anyone in my life. 
I have never fallen in love. actually, i doubt many ppl my age have. hahaha
I haven't had a proper crush.
I never party that hard.
I don' go out there and meet new people that often.
I am afraid to talk to cute guys on the bus (because im short, chubby, asian, not that pretty compared to his white friends and im not rebellious)

What is rebellion anyway? is it in the mind? or is it what we do physically. I don't think im really a rebel. Yes, i think sinful thoughts, but i feel like, lately, ive grown so much closer to my parents. Maybe not closer, but we work together as a unit. Is that what teenagers are supposed to do? I don't think I act like a teen enough. Itry not to rebel. And if i do, im not a rebel without a cause. If i ever think outside what my parents think, i GENERALLY, have faith in my thoughts and we try to work it out together. I just really feel like im missing out on idk, being an individual or something. Its really not about conforming, as much as it sounds like it.

And also, im scared, because everything is compromised, I feel like im not going to extend myself to the maximum. But i want my parents to be behind me every step of the way, because it feels so wonderful!

gee i dont know.

note: i know all my posts are slightly depressing, but thats pretty much what my blogs for. if i was happy, i would be dancing, not sitting at my computer.